


BATIM oneshots, Drabbles and headcannons (yes, I take requests)

by NotAnAndroid



Category: Bendy and the Ink Machine
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:07:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28426767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotAnAndroid/pseuds/NotAnAndroid
Summary: A lovely set of oneshots, boi won't this be fun. There's more information in the first chapter
Relationships: Grant Cohen/Shawn Flynn, Jack Fain/Wally Franks, Joey Drew/Bertrum Piedmont, Joey Drew/Henry Stein, Lacie Benton/Susie Campbell, Sammy Lawrence/Norman Polk, Susie Campbell/Sammy Lawrence, Thomas Connor/Wally Franks
Comments: 24
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

Hey guys! Welcome to my BATIM oneshots book!

There's some rules I've got to state before we get started!

1\. I will not write anything pedophilic or anything involving the cartoons and humans together. I'll do it if it is a friendship.

2\. I'll do more ships than the ones tagged, they're just the ones I'll definitely be doing in my own time.

3\. I won't write Smut, but I'll write Limes, angst or fluff!

4\. If you wish to make a request, please do it on this chapter. Please leave the comments on the other chapters as a place to talk about the chapter and leave constructive criticism. (Exception if it's a sequel, then you can request it on the specific chapter)

5\. Bare with me if things take a while to set up. This is my first time using AO3 and it may take a while to upload and stuff, don't be scared off by this though! It will most likely be that I forget to upload something and you'll get updates in batches.

I'd just like to say that the thing that I do write best is Grant/Shawn, mostly as it's the ship that I can most easily project myself on, so expect a lot of that.

Not all of the ships will be about relationships, I've currently started working on a fic about an argument over musicals.

Trigger warnings will be at the start of chapters.


	2. Incorrect quotes while I work on other things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, Shawn and Grant be very gay and Sammy annoys a lot of people.

\--

Shawn:Nice hands Grant  
Grant: thanks???  
Shawn: they'de look better wrapped around-  
Sammy, bursting out of no where: THE ILLUSION OF LIVING, PRAISE THE LORD BENDY. CAN I GET AN AMEN???

\--

Joey: I'm not planning to be polite or heterosexual

\--

Thomas: I like your pants  
Wally: thanks, they were 50% off.  
Thomas: I'd like them 100% off  
Wally: the store can't give away clothes for free Thomas-

\--

Grant: so you two got kicked out of the cinema how?  
Sammy: Norman was yelling diving scores at the people diving off the ship at the end of titanic  
Norman: the last guy was a solid 8 though

\--

Grant: Me and Shawn don't have pet names for eachother!  
Sammy: uh huh, what do bees make?  
Grant: honey?  
Shawn: yeah Grant?

\--

Grant: it's onions that make you cry, not watermelons.  
Norman:*carves "Shawn doesn't love you," in to a melon* here Grant

\--

Shawn: two Bros, chilling in a hot tub, two feet apart cuz they're not gay!

Grant: you're my boyfriend

Shawn:

Grant: and you're sitting on my lap. 

Shawn:

Grant: everything you just said is inaccurate

\--

Grant: we need a way to cut down costs, what can we live without?

Norman: probably Sammy

\--

Thomas, at a bar: a whiskey for me and a Capri sun for Wally.  
Wally: Thomas, I'm 23  
Thomas: so?  
Wally: I can order my own Capri Suns.

\--

Norman: you're blocking the view  
Sammy: I am the view

\--

Shawn: check out this penguin webcam I found  
Grant: don't you have a doll deadline to make?  
Shawn: shut the fuck up I'm busy

\--

Grant: where are my shoelaces?  
Wally: I took them  
Grant: why?  
Wally: for your personal safety  
Grant: you'd really think I'd hang myself with them?  
Wally: yes  
Grant: you're probably right

\--

Sammy: birth certificates are just receipts for human beings

Grant: how and where do I return myself?

\--

Allison: I didn't know you guys were together!  
Grant: I wouldn't say together  
Shawn: yeah, together is a strong word  
Wally: you two are literally married!

\--

Wally: my mum taught me that if I don't have anything nice to say, I shouldn't say it at all  
Sammy: ???  
Wally: but my mum isn't here and you're a weenie!

\--

Shawn: I once had a crush on someone and didn't know how to tell them so I filled their car with heart shaped confetti  
Grant: That was you?  
Shawn: who added you back in to the gc, they're dead

\--

Sammy: a pet rock is a fun pet until you realise it's immortal and you've forced it in to an eternity of it watching it's loved ones die

Norman: Sammy, stop texting me at 3 in the morning

\--

Grant: how's the most handsome man in the world  
Shawn: I don't know, how are you?  
Grant, voice cracking: I'm fine, thanks.

\--

Joey: do you think I could fit 15 marshmallows in to my mouth?

Henry: you're a hazard to society

Bertrum: and a coward, do 20!

\--

Wally: are you in the mood for a quickie?

Thomas: (struggling to breath) A-a what?

Wally: a quickie, those little tart things

Thomas:...  
Thomas: IT'S PRONOUNCED QUICHE-

\--

Wally, opening a Capri sun: guess I'll drink my sorrows away-

\--

Grant: I heard you like bad boys

Grant: well, I am bad at everything

\--

Joey: how come whenever I have fun it's considered wrong?  
Henry: people die when you have fun!

\--

Sammy: maybe once someone will address me as sir without saying "you're making a scene" afterwards

\--

Shawn: My boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss him, what should I do?

Wally: punch him in the stomach and kiss him when he doubles over

Norman: dump him

Sammy: kick him in the shins

Grant: No! No to all of those!!!

\--

Sammy: hey demons, it me, ya boi!  
Henry, trying to escape: Sammy, nO-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate this


	3. More incorrect quotes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You guys seemed to like the last one. I promise the next chapter will be an actual story.

Sammy: Grant, what on earth are you doing?

Grant, looking very angry: I'm writing an email to David Cage.

Sammy: What? Why?

Grant: *stops typing*  
Grant: *looks Sammy dead in the eye*  
Grant: We could of had more gay robots

\--

Shawn and Grant: *talking about FNaF lore*

Wally: I am incredibly confused.

\--

Grant: I like my men how I like my Coffee  
Grant: Irish

\--

Lacie: I like my men how I like my Coffee  
Lacie: I don't like Coffee

\--

(On a phone call)

Shawn: Hey Grant-  
Shawn: wait are you crying?

Grant: I just rewatched season three of Ninjago...

\--

Shawn: going to meetings, writing down stuff, you love those nerdy things!

Grant: if writing down things is nerdy, what do you do?

Shawn: forget things, like a cool person.

\--

(Texting)

Wally: let's say, hypothetically I was bleeding all over the bathroom floor because I cut my leg on a loose screw. What should I do?

Thomas:  
Thomas: I'm on my way.

\--

Grant: I fell in love with a short angry man.

Norman: join the club.

\--

Sammy: I'm running on zero, I didn't much sleep last night.

Grant, drinking his third cup of coffee: You got sleep?

\--

Wally: V I B E C H E C K  
Wally: *throws a spanner at Thomas*

Sammy: V I B E C H E C K  
Sammy:*douses Norman in ink*

Shawn: V I B E C H E-  
Grant: don't you fucking dare-

\-- 

Norman: everyone knows you're together.

Grant: No, they do not.

Norman, to everyone: raise your hand if you thought Grant and Shawn were together?

everyone: *raises hands*

Grant:  
Grant: Shawn, put your hand down.

\--

Norman: I fucking hate Sammy, he's so annoying and whiney and every time I look at him I feel all warm inside-

Susie: I used to say all that before he replaced me.

\--

Allison: the other day, I was just sitting and working away...  
Allison: then Sammy just burst in with Jack and Wally and he just screamed "Road Trip, straight woman!"  
Allison: this is what I get for being straight.

\--

Grant, thinking: I wonder what Shawn's thinking of...

Shawn's mind: DUCKTALES, WOOOOOOOOOO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a bit shorter than the last one, sorry


	4. Joey/Henry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgan Sloatman asked  
> "Can I request a fluffy male! Pregnancy fic for the ship Joey x Henry, please? Where it's starts with Joey is taking care of his pregnant husband Henry, but ends up with the two cuddling on the couch? Just an idea. I am willing to alter it if you want."
> 
> And yes, I sure can! Here's the finished result, sorry it's kind of short, ran out of ideas of what to write.

"oh Joey, sit down." Henry said, sitting down on the new couch in their living room. The new fabric was soft underneath Henry's hands. The couple had started redecorating in preparation of a new arrival. A baby boy.

"Do you need anything before I do?" Joey said, standing in between the door of the living room and kitchen.

"No, I'm fine. Now come and sit down." Henry said, patting the seat next to him. Joey sat down and gently pulled Henry to lay on top of him.

"What are we going to name him?" Joey says, absently rubbing Henry's swollen stomach. "I still think we should name him after one of your cartoons."

"Oh, god no Joey." Henry says, leaning back to look at Joey in the eyes. " Those cartoons haunt my every turn." He adds on, resiting a hand on the side of Joey's face, pulling him down for a light kiss.

"Right then, what are we going to name him." Joey says, returning the kiss before continuing to rub small circles on Henry's stomach. He only stopped when Henry rested his hands on Joey's. The two sat there, for a few minutes before feeling a light kick on Henry's stomach.

"Did you feel that?" Henry asked Joey, leaning back to lightly grin at Joey. The two sat there for a few more minutes, feeling out for the bumps, feeling a few more before the two went back to cuddling on the couch.

"What do you think he was trying to tell us?" Henry asks as Joey continues to rub circles on Henry's stomach.

"He's saying, 'you two don't have much left time left, go get up and do stuff!'" Joey replies, jokingly, earning another grin from Henry.

"Yeah yeah, very funny." Henry says, rolling his eyes, leaning more in to Joey before starting to let out a yawn. 

The two sat there before eventually falling asleep on the new couch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thanks for reading! I'm going to do some headcannons next for a few chapters, then will hopefully upload another story!


	5. Grant and Shawn Headcannons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because, if it's not clear, Grant it's my favourite and I watch DAgames.

Grant can recite the soundtrack of many musicals, just denies that he enjoys them. 

He also enjoys many videogames and has spent hours on end playing them.

Grant is one of the tallest of the studio workers, unlike his boyfriend, Shawn who is one of the smaller ones.

Grant has extremely bad claustrophobia and has lost count of how many times someone has asked him if that meant he was scared of Santa Claus.

Although he has an amazing singing voice, Grant does not like to sing in front of other people. This is due to the fact that Grant's father was quite abusive and frequently told him he'd never be good at anything.

Grant's favourite musical is Waitress.

Grant has watched all of Doctor who, his favourite doctor being 10. He will argue over who the best is.

Grant gets extremely flustered when Shawn flirts with him, causing his face to always go very red.

Shawn is the second shortest person in the studio (after Wally) and frequently gets jokes made in his direction about his height. Nothing a little kick in the shins can fix however!

Shawn is also a musical lover, his favourite being Dear Evan Hansen.

Shawn frequently plays videogames as well, and went through a small overwatch faze. Every few months, he finds some form of overwatch merchandise and sometimes he wears the odd overwatch t-shirt.

Shawn has also watched Doctor Who, his favourite being 11, although his favourite doctor who character is Jack. (Because Jack is the best and I will fight anyone who disagrees)

Shawn has awful arachnophobia and will sprint to accounting to hide behind Grant, no matter where he is.

Shawn frequently sneaks out from his office to visit Grant, simply to just sit with him as he does paperwork.

Grant is the top, no one can tell me otherwise.

Shawn drags Grant away from his work frequently to go on dates.

The pub across the street, which is canonically there is one of Shawn's favourite places to hang out. Grant's favourite place to hang out is at home, where there's less people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boi, that was actually fun to write


	6. More incorrect quotes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Idk, I made more while brainstorming ideas for a request and my own thing I'm working on.

Joey: Grant, we tried things your way.  
Grant: No, we didn't.  
Joey: I did it in my head and it didn't work.

\--

Grant: That's not funny.  
Norman: I thought it was funny.  
Grant: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.

\--

Wally: Oh and for your information, I don't have an ego.  
Wally: My facebook photo is a landscape.

\--

Sammy: Are you sure Norman's even gay? They barely even looked at me.

\--

Sammy: I got grounded for a whole week just because I came home late.  
Norman: Well, you deserved it. I mean, getting everyone's hopes up like that and then showing up again.

\--

Shawn: I think you're still suffering the effects of your party last night.  
Grant: All I drank was Redbull!  
Shawn: How many?  
Grant: Eighteen.

\--

Grant: How much did you spend on this date?  
Shawn: $1400. But all of it's on credit cards, so it's like $5 a month for the next 2,000 years.

\--

Grant: Joey, can I speak to you for a minute? In private.  
Joey: Ooh, someone's in trouble. It's me. I don't know why I did that.

\--

Grantt: That sounds like a terrible plan.  
Shawn and Wally: Oh, we've had worse.

\--

Joey: I'm a firm believer in "if you're going to fail, you might as well fail spectacularly."

\--

*Grant and Shawn are skipping rocks*

Grant: It’s such a beautiful evening

Shawn: Yeah it is

Shawn: *whispering* Take that you fucking lake

\--

Wally: why cant trees give off something important like wifi??

Thomas: so fuck oxygen i guess

\--

Shawn, texting Grant: Roses are red, Tony Hawk is a skater…

Grant's phone, auto-replying: I’m driving right now–I’ll get back to you later.

[Later]

Grant, texting back: Fuck you.

\--

Joey: Hold on! I’m having one of those things….a headache with pictures.

Bertrum: What the fuck?

Henry: he's having an idea.

\--

Shawn: Oh, here’s my award for the most rules broken!

Grant: That’s not an award, it’s an angry letter from our boss.

Shawn, hanging it on his wall: Well, it has the word ‘most’ in it, so I’m calling it an award

\--

Grant: I’m gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul.

\--

Wally: Okay! Let’s play Kiss Marry Kill!

Wally: First who would you kill?

*Norman points at Sammy*

*Susie points at Sammy*

*Ink demon pops out of nowhere and points at Sammy*

Sammy: *shrugs* I would kill me too.

\--

Norman: What are everyone’s kinks?

Allison: I do not think this is an appropriate topic.

Wally: Love and affection hehe

Shawn: Hair pulling and mirrors

Sammy: Whips, chains, cages, kitty lingerie, being called dadd-

Grant: MY KINK IS PRAYING EVERY NIGHT AND WISHING I WASN’T APART OF THIS CONVERSATION!


	7. I'm not fucking dead? Also, more incorrect quotes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I got sidetracked making this and found a JSE ego incorrect quotes blog and a mcyt blog while looking for ideas.
> 
> Also, made a few of my own and since I've been watching a lot of Jschlatt recently, one of my favourite clips will be featured.

Shawn: mmmmm, T-bone steaks

Grant: you literally just ate-

Shawn: I have a second stomach for steaks!

\--

Shawn: You don’t drink? What do you do in social settings? Like at a party?

Allison: Sit in my car and cry.

\--

Wally: Hewwo! I wiww be youw sewgeon today! Intewnaw bweeding you say? Wet's make ouw fiwst wittwe incision!

Shawn: Dowcto, Wew're wosing him!!

Susie: Qwick, hand me the defibwiwatow!!

Grant: Please. Turn off my fucking life support.

\--

Wally: that’s greatly offensive to my people.

Sammy: college dropouts?

Wally: …

\--

[At Sammy's funeral]

Us: I need a moment with him.

Everyone: Of course.

[They leave]

Us, leaning over Sammy's coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you’re not dead.

Sammy: Yeah, no shit.

\--

Shawn: When was the last time you cried?

Grant: Uh 15 minutes ago, why??

Shawn: really? That recent?

Grant: Yeah *voice crack* is that a issue?*starts crying again*

\--

Shawn: Baby.

Grant: Fellow associate.

\--

Susie: So, what is Shawn to you?

Grant: The reason I wake up every morning

Susie: …that’s adorable

Shawn, earlier that morning, barging into Grant's room, smacking pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP

\--

Grant: Cuz he's in your bed and I'm in your twitch chat.

Everyone else in the studio, out of no where :DODODODODODODODO

Grant, terrified for his life: holy fuCK-

\--

Grant: you see, you don't know why they call me the ladder man.

*The ink rises but is unable to get to Grant

The ink demon: what the fuck?

Grant: *maniacal laughter*

\--

Shawn: the greatest trick the devil ever played was getting me banned from a all you can eat pizza buffet

Grant: Why’d you get banned?

Shawn: touched the rat.

Grant: … What rat?

Shawn: chuck e cheese

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ight, as usual would love to hear what you guys think
> 
> Also, my discord server!
> 
> https://discord.gg/pTGUxKJ
> 
> Please, we need more Batim roleplayers


End file.
